Rearview Mirror

The other morning while driving to work, I was thanking God for our boys.  It amazes me how He has entrusted three littles to us.  I thanked Him for the three carseats that I saw in my rearview mirror.  When friends get in my van, they comment on ALL of those carseats.  And I LOVE hearing that.  It reminds me of how thankful I am to HAVE to have a van to make room for them all.    

It has been a little over seven years since we started trying to have a baby.  The spring of that first year, I experienced my first concoction of emotions of being pregnant, celebration, loss, and heartache.  Shreds and shreds of heartache.  Brian and I had to say goodbye to a baby.  A baby that we had already decided we would name Brooks if it were a boy.  We said goodbye to being naive.  I was terrified of missing out on a dream.  Questions and thoughts filled my days and my head.  Those thoughts revolved around all things big and small.  Like, who would the baby have looked like and what kind of personality would he have had?  One particular thought was over something so small and everyday but so incredibly huge to my eyes.  I wanted to look in my rearview mirror and see a carseat.  Days turned into months and hope into despair.  The rearview mirror only returned images of an empty backseat.  I prayed for a baby and a carseat strapped in the middle.  Summer turned to Fall and one pink line turned to two.  That was over six years ago.

I thank God for my boys.  They come complete with sweetness, meltdowns, accidents, fights, dirty fingernails, whiny dinners, syrupy kisses, bear hugs, and three carseats in my rearview mirror.